In Watchability rankings, Brooklyn Nets are "unwatchable cast of vanilla slowpokes" etc.

Grantland's Zach Lowe is out with the first part of his "watchability" rankings --officially the NBA League Pass Rankings.  We'd call it piling on, but the pile is so high, it's more like climbing on. Lowe ranks the Nets at No. 28, sees the team as so bad it would have been last without Ian Eagle,  Mike Fratello and the court design, "a masterpiece."

Doesn't the absence of sulkiness get us any points?

An unwatchable cast of vanilla slowpokes, misfits, and fringe players (and Thad Young) lifted from dead last by the only perfect "10" League Pass Minutiae score. The Nets, once again, sport the league’s best top-to-bottom broadcast experience. Ian Eagle is a god, dropping deadpan gold and fake-feuding with Mike Fratello. The czar brings hoops expertise, dry humor, and delightfully bad stick-figure telestrations of upcoming opponents Eagle deciphers in a warped NBA version of Pictionary — one of the best running gags in broadcast sports. The herringbone court with minimalist black-and-white trim — now with subway-tile-style baseline font! — is a masterpiece.

Andrea Bargnani’s mere presence brings the possibility of a sad-faced, half-bearded blooper, but beyond Bargs, the team isn’t that funny. Hell, Brook Lopez doesn’t even go to Comic-Con anymore! He is shooting 3s now after beasting it over the second half of last season, but his blend of molasses-slow touch and power doesn’t draw eyeballs.

Also out Tuesday is SI's Atlantic Division rankings. Matt Dollinger picks the Nets for fourth, ahead of only Philadelphia, but then says the Nets will be "decent."

Lionel Hollins is a proven bench man and the trio of Brook Lopez, Joe Johnson and Thaddeus Young affords Brooklyn of some semblance respectability. Those are literally the two nicest things I can say about the team. When you take the kiddie gloves off, the future is rather bleak for Brooklyn. No team is caught between the present and future worse than the Nets. They boast a veteran-laden roster, but have no chance of competing for a title. The signings of players like Andrea Bargnani, Dahntay Jones and Wayne Ellington would suggest this team is on the cusp of something, but Brooklyn’s front-office moves have doomed this team’s future. Without draft picks or cap space, the Nets can’t look down the road to brighter days. Instead, they’re forced to deal with the present, as unappealing as it might be. Unfortunately for the Nets, they are equally unlikely to be playoff participants or high-lottery finishers, meaning another year of mediocrity is on the horizon.

Best case scenario for Dolllinger is that the Nets sneak into the playoffs. Worst case? "an extremely expensive disaster." No other Net got enough votes to finish in the GM's top five and that includes Brook Lopez who didn't make the cut as one of the NBA's best centers.

Meanwhile in the annual GM survey, Jarrett Jack once again got votes as an "active player who will make the best head coach someday?" 

• The Annual NBA League Pass Rankings, Part 1 - Zach Lowe - Grantland
• Atlantic Division preview: Can Celtics, Knicks unseat Raptors? - Matt Dollinger - Sports Illustrated