The broadcast opens with the voice of Mr. Ian Eagle, showing Devin Harris putting his shoes on and Brook Lopez listening to music. Who wants to bet he’s listening to the Little Mermaid soundtrack.
Eagle and Mike Fratello go right into Terrence Williams. Triple doubles, Twitter, not a jerk, back in Dallas. You know the drill.
I fast forward to starting lineup. The biggest thing that jumps out at me is that I get to see if Mike Bibby really did get fat. The internet tells me he did. I’ll have to judge for myself. No Joe Johnson is a good thing too.
Before the tip off, you can’t tell me Avery Johnson doesn’t look like a man that’s about to go over the edge.
12:00 Bibby doesn’t look so fat. Lopez wins tip.
11:45 First Hump mop up of the night off of Brook Lopez airball. I expect many more janitorial moments from him.
10: 00 Harris hits his first bad shot of the night. He’s just like Reggie Miller if Reggie Miller couldn’t shoot.
9:25: No Defense. Josh “J-Smoove” Smith dunk. Does any Net resemble anything close to the word “Smoove”? I wish.
9:00 Lopez misses second bad shot of the night.
8:37 Shortly after, runs the floor and get’s a layup and the foul. I picture a Zydrunas Ilgauskas kind of career out of him these days. That’s not so bad.
7:48. Just noticed there is nobody at the game tonight. Surprised Hot-lanta doesnt’ have more hoops fan. I guess they’re a Matty Ice kind of town right now.
7:30 Lopez going up strong against one of the Collins Brothers. Stanford twins. Sort of interesting? Surprised more fans didn’t show up for that.
7:14 Zaza Pachulia sighting. His name makes him sound like he smells bad. I don’t mean that in the smelly Europeon stereotype in any way at all. Based on his name alone, I would guess he smells more like hippies than Europe.
7:00 Lopez looking a giant Antawn Jamison around the rim.
6:00 Nets can’t buy a rebound. Horford scores.
5: 15 Josh Smith hits a three. really?
5:00 A Humphries assist. REALLY?
4:39 Hump and Farmar looking like friends on the bench. I like that.
4:24 Lopez looking like Jamison again in the lane.
3:58 Seems like Brook Lopez actually heard my Antawn Jamison comparison and throws up floater just outside the paint, misses badly.
3:30 Lopez floating through the lane again. Miss. I really do like him getting the ball on the move around the foul line. That could be a dangerous area of the court for him. He just needs to make those baskets. That's a huge part of the equation.
1:57 They really ask a lot of Lopez. Get’s fouled on an ‘oop attempt.
1:38 Love D James running the court. I think he, his athleticism, and his rebounding ability are key to our running game.
:03 Pachulia get’s his own rebound off foul shot, puts it in. Lopez and Favors looking baffled. Good job guys.
11:30 Petro! Surely he will save us from our big man woes.
11:45 Farmar drops a 3 playing SG next to Harris.
9:30 Glad to see they have Farmar in the Ben Gordon role off the bench. He sure does like to shoot. He just went 1 for 3 from downtown in about 1 minute. Hey, 33% ain’t so bad.
9:22 Petro is like Shaq without all that pesky skill and strength. He’s streamlined.
8:50 Farmar goes 2 for 4 from long range in about 2 minutes.
8:10 Damion James hits a jumper from the corner. Love seeing him get some minutes.
7:30 Petro hit’s his patented jumper. I love that Petro likes to shoot that shot. I feel like I was his 8th grade American suburb equivalent so many years ago.
6:50 Harris turnover. Just noticed I haven’t seen Brook Lopez in what seems like forever.
5:50 No defense. J Smoove dunk.
5:25 Marvin Williams banks in a disgusting jumper. He makes Travis Outlaw looks like Paul Pierce. Well, Paul Pierce with a tapeworm.
5:00 Lopez comes back in and does his slow motion post move and scores through a double team. He does it in slow machine to show us how precise his footwork is. Show off.
4:26 Morrow hustles to get a loose ball. Calls timeout. I feel like he disappears for long stretches of the game. I didn’t remember him even being on the team until right then.
4:20 Brook Lopez get’s his own rebound with some strength and throws down a dunk with two hands. Exactly the type of play that makes people wonder about his inconsistency.
3:58 Teague busts through our defense and dishes to J Smoove for the lay in and the foul. Yuck.
3:47 Lopez killer crossovers Pachulia and takes it to the bucket. Gets fouled. Was that Tim Hardaway? So far I’ve compared him to Big Z, Jamison and Tim Hardaway. He misses two free throws. Suprising.
2:50 Nets can’t buy a rebound again. 3 points Jamal Crawford. Remember that big padded bandage he used to wear on his shoulder in New York. What was that about? My guess was always some sort of cyst or infection. Gross.
2:30 Harris misses on a pull up at the foul line. Again showing us he is Reggie Miller without the jump shot.
1:50 Nets can’t score. Hawks starting to pull away. Nets need a big time scorer NOW!
1:30 Reverse Reggie Miller with another TO
1:13 Humphries misses a layup, bangs into people. Causes general havok.
1: 10 Let’s go Hawks sounds like 3 vans of chilren
:53 Farmar behind the back to Hump on the break! Dunk! Wow, we really don’t get to see this team get out and run. Ever. Still down by 9. Good thing we didn’t reserve the rights to Springsteen’s “Born to Run”.
:31 Harris misses a heavily contested runner in traffic. A 2 for 1 shot I guess.
:10 Josh Smith hits another from three. Down by 14. Wow, that happened quickly.
Nets show no semblance of an ability to close out a quarter.
Really interesting bit about Jessica Taff at halftime. Wake me up when basketball starts. Yes, I understand that may not be until Brooklyn.
11:43 foul by Morrow. Hey, he disappeared again. Very very sneaky.
11:25 Morrow and Harris crash into each other under their own basket. Not “smoove” my friends. Not “smoove” at all.
11:00 Damion James with a fairly difficult lay-in over some hawks. He’s showing interesting flashes tonight.
10:28 James steps into a nice mid range jump shot. “Damion James back to back buckets”- Ian Eagle
9:44 Harris get’s into the lane, under peoples skin, to the foul line. Misses on a pair of free throws. Sticking to my Reggie Miller sans shooting touch tag.
9:30 Rebound Damion James. Morrow shoots and misses. His shooting percentage has nothing to do with the Nets.
8:35 Has anyone else turned the ball over tonight besides Devin Harris?
8:25 Another defensive lapse for the nets = a hawks layup.
7:50 Mike Bibby looks so much olser than his actual age. Also, I suppose he is starting to look a little fatter now that I look at him.
7:40 Harris fouled in the lane on the shot. chance to redeem himself after missing 2 foul shots. Makes both. Hey, even Reggie Miller missed every now and then.
7:30 D James gets in the passing lane, puts Nets on run, grabs long Morrow rebound after missed 3. new offensive set. He’s having a good game.
7:00 Avery looks pleased with James. All 12 fans boo as Lopez shoots his free throws.
6:48 Finally get to see more Favors as he fouls whatever Collins that is at the hoop. He really needs to get more minutes.
6:30 Harris hits a three. hallelujah. We have to believe he can shoot a litter better than what he’s shown us this season
5:50 Hawks score on Crawford J after crazy 30 second mess of turnovers and steals.
5:33 Lopez get’s his first “too strong for conditions/ knock someone down” offensive foul in the post of the season. Either he’s starting to finally recover from mono or it was a crappy call.
4:40 Damion James with the offensive foul. He’s having a good game, but he’s still having a few rookie moments here and there. Overall, a solid performance from him tonight.
Where does Terrence Williams fit in here? Are his 5-10 good passes a game going to stop the bleeding at the end of quarters and give us the points we need?
4:20 Quinton Ross sighting. Did they have him playing PF, or was he just caught on a defensive switch against Collins?
4:00 Brook Lopez drills Derrick Favors in the feet with a bounce pass. Goes to the bench. Magic Johnson he is not.
4:04 Jordan Farmar goes to the line. Who would have thought that he would need to score 25+ points for us to stand a chance against NBA teams.
3:40 Farmar goes up for a strong lay up over Josh Smith on the break. Closest thing to “smoove” we’ve seen from the Nets all night.
2:35 Farmar with a beautiful dish to favors. Dunk!
2:02 Petro drops ball at top of the key. You know he was thinking about shooting too hard. leads to josh smith breakaway dunk
1:45 Petro shoots from the exact spot he just turned the ball over. Vintage Petro.
1:15 Farmar with the three in transition. Tha shot is slowly becoming “his thing”.
:52 Great defensive moment from Favors with a block at the bucket. Goes 1 for 2 from the line after Pachulia foul.
I wish I could say the Nets are missing foul shots because they’re not used to playing in an empty arena but that’s the farthest thing from the truth.
:20 It looked like the Nets were going to close the quarter out strong. They the gave up 6 points in 30 seconds.
11:00 I feel like the Nets have been down by 12 the entire season.
10:30 Morrow misses a three after a great Farmar pass. Again, his shooting percentage? Nothing to do with the Nets.
10:00 Farmar looking like he could turn into the leader of this team. I would like to see it.
9:50 Josh Powell is on the Hawks now. He’s a difference maker. That should be his nick name.
9:34 Favors get’s fouled on his way to the hoop. He looks much bigger with the ball in his hands. It’s like the ball gives him mutant superpowers. He just needs to learn how to harness those powers. Unfortunately, foul shooting is not one of his powers. Maybe we have to implant that into him and it would just be a nice addition to his powers, like the adamantium in Wolverine.
9:18 Josh “Difference Maker” Powell throws down a dunk in the name of irony.
9:03 Lopez fouled going to the rim. No one high fives him. Troy Murphy spits into a cup on the bench. Nice timing. Lopez hits both free throws, bringing the nets within 8.
8:00 Josh Smith is killing us. He’s just too Smoove. How can one man be so smoove?
7:52 Harris get’s fouled while attacking the rim but can’t convert. That’s happened to him at least 6 times tonight. If only he had more smoove within him. Hits both foul shots. Finally.
7:27 Marvin Williams to the free throw line. He, Morrow and Outlaw all seem to share the mutant superpower of being able to disappear at any moment.
7:08 Josh Smith continues to kill us with his smooveness mutant power.
6:50 Lopez seems shocked that he just got an offensive rebound. ‘Atta boy!
6:25 Kris Humphries gets the ball at half court on a fast break. He’s the guy you want running the break.
6:00 Nets down by 11. Morrow finally hits from downtown. Down by 8. Poof! He appeared out of thin air again!
I would love to get a giant box like in those Lexus Christmas commercials. That’s a lot of cardboard.
5:19 Devin Harris goes down hard. It looks like he breaks every bone in his body any time someone touches him. Hits two free throws though. Maybe he needs the contact to stay in the game. Who knows.
4:26 Farmar with nice defensive trip vs. Bibby. Knocks the ball out of bounds with a second left.
4:25 A very long 1 second, and Brook Lopez fouls J Smoove. Shot clock buzzer never goes off.
4:08 Brook Lopez with another slow motion move, gets fouled. The grace! The precision! Hit’s both free throws.
3:45 Defensive lapse. Mike Bibby layup.
3:24 Morrow makes up for defensive lapse, hits another three. His percentage is starting to rise again. There should be constant Morrow 3 point shooting percentage meter on the screen during all Nets broadcasts at all times.
2:50 Harris tests his range from about 8 feet. Misses.
2:25 Horford hits two buckets. Seems like his mutant power is becoming a different person when playing PF, rather than C. Yea, he’s good.
1:55 Jamal Crawford hits a dagger. Down by 9. I would like to see someone with the name Jamal come into the league and earn the nickname “Jam”. Jam Carter. That’s someone I could root for. They could even throw in an exclamation point. Jam! Carter. I like it.
1:30 “Al Horford has been a King in the paint”. Ian Eagle is so good.
:58 Jamal Crawford hits a runner off glass. “Goodnight!” -Ian Eagle
:30 Nets stumble through a few more more sets on offense just to hammer the point home.
Aaaand it’s over.FIN!